This morning I finished my junior year. I wrapped up all my final responsibilities and headed back home for some quite time on my bed with my Bible.
It has been the hardest year for me personally. And I could write to you about all the lessons that I have learned as I have walked through this hard season with my relationship with Christ and how now it all makes sense and that I have it all together, but that isn't what God is calling me to at all and would be just selfish on my part. So let me explain..
I came across a picture on my Instagram feed yesterday that was posted by the Women of Faith account. The picture had a saying that read,
"My brokenness is a better bridge for people than my pretend wholeness ever was."
Oh goodness, how that hit my heart. You see, I have gotten in a habit of thinking that whenever God starts leading my through something hard that the rewards will be sharing with others what I have learned. And I think that is definitely a blessing, but the way I was seeing that was very prideful on my part. This year, I began putting this pressure on myself and convincing myself that in order to be a witness to those around me, I had to look like I had it all together. I felt like if they saw that I was struggling to have peace and joy through this time that I was letting God down on me shining for Him.
All of this pressure began to snowball until I felt so defeated and discouraged, I had lost all grasp of the truth of God's grace and comfort. So God began comforting and convicting my heart as a read over that post again..
Daughter, don't you see? Your testimony and witness is your brokenness... is Your weakness and tiredness because then they can see my strength and comfort working through you.
So this week I have been in the process of coming to the feet of Jesus and reminding myself that He is right there with me in every moment- in my weakness and brokenness He still has an oh so perfect plan and everything I need is right there in His presence.
But I would also like to share with you what I read in my Bible this morning that just overwhelmed and stirred my heart and is still even now. I was reading in the first chapter of John and would like to share with you a few of the verses.