Monday, August 17, 2015

"I need your heart."

Today marked the beginning of my Junior year, although this morning didn't go anywhere near how I planned. However, I can't explain the craziness that filled my heart this morning without giving you a background of what began last night, the night before my junior year.

Last night I received a text from one of my teachers informing me that my principal wanted me and another student council member to share our knowledge of modern day slavery and our personal encounter with it to the entire student body. Modern day slavery is a big, nasty, and alarming issue occurring in our country today and sadly not many girls are aware of it. So it was something that was on my heart that I felt needed to be shared to my school, which would result in less students being vulnerable to the horrific reality. The original plan was to present to only thirty students at a time and to wait until the first month of school passed so that we had plenty of time to prepare. Meaning, I was overwhelmed with nervousness when I read the text message explaining how I would be informing the whole school about the issue in less than 24 hours. My teacher and I's conversation when on for about fifteen minutes and ended with us postponing the presentation due to me not being comfortable with the situation. However, I went to bed with a heavy heart and still unable to know exactly what needed to be done. I was torn between doing what was safe in my comfort zone and stepping out and being bold for something that needed to be done; but why not wait and be bold whenever I got a little more confidence under my belt? I stayed up two hours laying in bed weighing my heart and praying for peace in whatever direction God lead me. The night ended with me finally settling down and falling asleep and knowing that I would have a clear mind in the morning.

Six o'clock rolls around and I wake up still weighing the possibilities of comfort and fear. I go about my morning and after another two hours of pacing and sighing through my house, I know that God is calling my heart to trust Him with this one and to just step out in faith. I drive to school later than I planned to be departing from my house saying one prayer over and over in my mind and heart, "Lord, I am absolutely terrified of public speaking, but please let me stand on your strength and shoulders throughout this morning. It is only through You I can do this."  I walk into school, tell my mom what I decided to do and after hearing an encouraging word for her, I set out to find my student council advisor to let her know how I felt.

Needless to say, this morning ended with my principal telling me that we would have to wait and do the meeting another time and that he had forgotten all about me needing to share today. But my fear and struggle didn't stop here, because just like the mission of informing teen girls of modern day human trafficking had been laid on my heart, I also have the opportunity to lead our CSU (Christian Student Union) organization this year, which will be filled with plenty of reading and talking with large groups of students.

But the important part of this whole post is what words God spoke to my heart tonight whenever I began to think of what still lays ahead and the mornings that will probably be filled with the same anxiousness- "Daughter, I don't need someone with a clear voice. I need your heart."

Oh goodness, how I needed to be reminded of what my place was! God doesn't need my strength and ability- that is what His perfect strength and power are for. He just needs my surrendered heart focused on His unfailing love and power. As I tossed this amazing promise around in my heart, I began thinking of all the bible verses in which God comforted those who were afraid because of the leading position they had received.

God told Moses:
"Now then go, and I , even I, will be with your mouth, and teach you what you are to say." Exodus 4:12
And to Joshua:
No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail you or forsake you.....Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1 (verses 5 & 9)

And in the New Testament He reminds us that:

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

I hope these verses gave your heart as much comfort as they did mine and I ask that you would keep me and my school in your prayers throughout this year. I know God has such great plans for CSU- and He has my heart every step of the way.

Lord, thank you for Your never ending, perfect love and powerful strength. I would be nothing without it everyday. I pray you would fill my heart with such an unstoppable boldness for sharing Your word and truth with all of those around me. Let my heart worship and fall in love with You more and more every morning. Thank you for making me your daughter, because I want nothing more than to follow You.

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